Trust…

Why is it trust is so hard? Anyone that knows me knows that I have issues when it comes to medical stuff. Ug, I hate it! I hate to be poked and prodded and I hate the thought of what could happen. I seem to always think that something horrible WILL happen, I jump to the conclusion that the worse WILL happen and I won’t live through this experience. I’ve never had any major surgery–just wisdom teeth being pulled out, my tonsils removed, a colonoscopy and scope. That’s it. Nothing major, all out-patient things. Why do I get so freaked out? I’ve never had cancer or any other horrible disease. The worse thing that happens to me is I react to cold medicines of all kinds and so now I get freaked out that everything will make me have a reaction. Brother. So stupid, so lame, so UNtrusting!!!! I mean, don’t the medical professionals know better than me? Of course they do! AND, should something go terribly wrong, they’re trained in how to deal with it. It’s not like I’ll just be laying there needing to figure it out on my own.

I say all this because I have to have iron transfusions for the next 3 weeks due to be very anemic. Yesterday was my 1st of 4 and I was FREAKED OUT!!! I had no reason to be. VERY few people have any kind of reaction and this is something very routine and done all the time. But, I was still totally freaked out. Again, I had no reason to be. I had asked for prayer, been praying a lot myself and I knew that God would be with me. Of course, everything was fine, but I was still so scared. How silly, now that it’s all done and overwith!

Why do we do this? Why do we ask the Lord for his help and then still get all scared and whacked out? I think it comes back to that matter of control…Can I REALLY trust him to control this? I mean, I can’t SEE him, so how do I REALLY know he’ll take care of it? Nevermind that he’s never failed me before. Sigh…I hope this is something I can learn to get over really soon. I don’t need to freak out. I just need to trust. Trust in his ever-loving, never-failing love.

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3 thoughts on “Trust…

  1. Oh dear Jeni, look to God’s grace always, especially in those difficult days! REMEMBER:God loves you even when your trust is imperfect!”Lord I believe, help my unbelief!”((hugs))

  2. I completely understand where you are coming from Jeni! I get paranoid and really anxious over the most trivial things that have to do with my health. I can’t wait to see you at your shower! Julie had her baby this afternoon. Gabriel James was 9 lbs. 8 oz. and 22 inches long. He already has his first hairstyle. Gabe prefers to have his dark blonde/light brown locks in a MOHAWK! His hair is sooo long and thick! I am in love already!!

  3. I don’t normally jump to worse case scenarios where medical issues are involved, though I can understand why you would. I just tend to do that for everything else in life…which isn’t cool. It is funny that we lack trust in God when He’s only proven Himself faithful time and time again. Shows how stupid we humans are, huh?

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