Why is it trust is so hard? Anyone that knows me knows that I have issues when it comes to medical stuff. Ug, I hate it! I hate to be poked and prodded and I hate the thought of what could happen. I seem to always think that something horrible WILL happen, I jump to the conclusion that the worse WILL happen and I won’t live through this experience. I’ve never had any major surgery–just wisdom teeth being pulled out, my tonsils removed, a colonoscopy and scope. That’s it. Nothing major, all out-patient things. Why do I get so freaked out? I’ve never had cancer or any other horrible disease. The worse thing that happens to me is I react to cold medicines of all kinds and so now I get freaked out that everything will make me have a reaction. Brother. So stupid, so lame, so UNtrusting!!!! I mean, don’t the medical professionals know better than me? Of course they do! AND, should something go terribly wrong, they’re trained in how to deal with it. It’s not like I’ll just be laying there needing to figure it out on my own.
I say all this because I have to have iron transfusions for the next 3 weeks due to be very anemic. Yesterday was my 1st of 4 and I was FREAKED OUT!!! I had no reason to be. VERY few people have any kind of reaction and this is something very routine and done all the time. But, I was still totally freaked out. Again, I had no reason to be. I had asked for prayer, been praying a lot myself and I knew that God would be with me. Of course, everything was fine, but I was still so scared. How silly, now that it’s all done and overwith!
Why do we do this? Why do we ask the Lord for his help and then still get all scared and whacked out? I think it comes back to that matter of control…Can I REALLY trust him to control this? I mean, I can’t SEE him, so how do I REALLY know he’ll take care of it? Nevermind that he’s never failed me before. Sigh…I hope this is something I can learn to get over really soon. I don’t need to freak out. I just need to trust. Trust in his ever-loving, never-failing love.