Well, the most blessed week 37 is here!!! I am now allowed to have this baby any time! 🙂 She is “allowed” to come, it won’t induce panic if she does, we won’t be medically worried if today is to be the day, etc. I know I’m being like all other moms–especially 1st time moms–VERY ANXIOUS TO HAVE THIS BABY!!!!! I think as a 1st time mom there’s a lot of worry, anxiety, etc just due to the simple fact that I’m entering into the BIG world of the UNKNOWN!!!!! What will it TRULY be like to be a mom? How will I be a mom? Will I be a good mom? How badly will I screw up my kids? 🙂 These questions can’t be answered until I’m BEING a mom. I find with my friends (2 of whom are due 2 weeks after me–one is having baby #4, and the other is having baby #5) that they are JUST as anxious to have their children as I am.
This weekend was spent doing some major nesting. I can’t help but think about Big Bird and his GIANT nest on Sesame Street. Every time someone has mentioned “nesting” to me a scene from childhood days comes to mind. How strange–I know! 🙂 I do envision myself flitting about collecting stuff to fill our “nest” much like a big bird! 🙂 🙂 🙂 It actually makes me laugh. I’m just so glad I haven’t been subjected to sitting on eggs for all these months. 🙂 In any case, David and I cleaned the house, put stuff away, packed the bag and after all this was done I felt ready. I feel the baby can now come. The “nest” is in order and her little cradle is ready and waiting.
Despite being ready on the world out here, maybe SHE’s not ready! I have to keep reminding myself that my due date isn’t until the 30th of March and she could come 2 wks after that! Oh sweet Jesus, I pray NOT, but it IS a possibility. My prayer has been that she comes when she’s done “cooking.” Of course, I would love for that to be THIS WEEK, but our good Lord knows when the right time is and will prompt our little one to come then. Isn’t it neat to think that even the day we’re born the Lord has orchestrated? I mean, he’s created every little thing in/on our little girl and he’s even set aside the day for her to enter this world. It’s very overwhelming to me to think about.
As I’ve been going to bed each night my prayers have changed a bit. I’ve been praying for continued mental and physical preparation as the time comes closer. I know God has designed my body to give birth, he has equipped it with everything it needs to bring this “little” girl into the world. I have been praying that I WILL have the strength to do this without pain medication and will just let nature take its course. I know the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment will be huge in the end!!! I know, all of you who have used the pain meds are telling me there is still satisfaction and accomplishment. I believe you, I really do! And, I, in no way, am making light of anyone’s experience. But, this is important to me, to do this naturally. With the help of my husband and sister I know I can. I say all this bravely, but to be honest I DO reserve the right to change my mind! 🙂 I have also been praying that this 1st birth of mine would go smoothly without anything out of the ordinary. I don’t know, maybe this is a selfish prayer? All in all, though, I know the Lord will be with me, and I have been praying ultimately for his peace to reign in the delivery room and to reign in me and my husband.
So, though I know it’s safe for this little girl to come anytime now, I’m not holding my breath. I mean, it IS cold out here so I can’t blame her for wanting to stay inside where it’s warm! 🙂