Growing up in deep, darkest Africa, I know what it is to see and feel darkness. When you’re out at night with nothing but the moon and stars to light your path from above and hopefully a trusty flashlight it is VERY dark. My mom was walking home one night in the pitch black, made blacker because her flashlight went out on her, and ran into something. That something said, “MOOOOOOOOO!” and mom died laughing realizing a cow had wandered onto the path going up to our house and she, in turn, had run into the cow! It’s amazing when light is taken how dark a room can be, can feel. Sometimes the darkness is almost oppressive. It’s no wonder we bump into things at night when it’s so dark. We can’t see, so we’re walking aimlessly about, trying to feel our way. That’s how I feel–the “thing” that goes “bump” in the night.
Why do I feel like this? Simply because I have no idea where God is leading us. I feel like our trusty flashlight has gone out on us and we only have darkness left and we’re praying we don’t run into a “cow.” I feel like any light God was shining on our path is now gone and we’re left to fend for ourselves. When life is dark it’s very easy to forget that he hasn’t left us. It’s very easy to forget he’s still with us. We thought we knew the path God was taking us. We thought he was shining his flashlight saying, “Here, take this path,” but now, we’re not so sure. Now we don’t know what path he’s taking us down. I often find myself asking if he IS taking us down a path or if we’re just supposed to wander around in the dark, hoping not to go bump in the night. I have felt, for several days, that I’m walking in deep, dark Africa, on a moonless night with no flashlight to guide my way.
However, I can’t fall into despair. What is faith, after all? It’s the hope of things unseen. We are told “the Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.” (Lam 3:25) We are told the Lord will never leave us or forsake us. We are told of his love for us over and over and over again. We are not really going bump in the night, we just have to realize that maybe we need to stop wandering around, sit down, collect ourselves and realize that the path is there. We have to trust that he’ll guide us down it when it’s the right time.
Lord, help me to wait gracefully on your timing. Help me not to sink into despair, but to remember that you are God and you are great and you love me.