Ok, so I can’t come up with anything exciting for the title of this post. Sorry! 🙂 Life as we know it is about to change. This change is good. I’m glad our life as we’ve known it for the bast few years is going to change. I find myself in a strange position. I have moved many times. Said many goodbyes, made new friends, etc. But, never have I moved and not known what that move would mean. Never have I moved so willingly and so blindly. I have always been so sad to leave my friends behind as well as the place. There has always been this thought of, “I’ll definitely have to go back there because of ______.” However, I do not find myself feeling/thinking that now. Don’t get me wrong! There are plenty of people I will miss. But, as far as the place, nope. I’ll be OK to never return. I’ve been thinking about this a lot because in some ways it’s bothering me. What I have concluded is this: where we have been living for the past 4 years has been surrounded in difficulty, saddness and just plain craziness. Save for my husband, daughter and dog there hasn’t been much else to get excited about here. This is such a foreign thing to me. I’ve always been able to find at least something I like about a place–not here. I hate to think that my memories of this town/county will be ones which bring up saddness and grief. As I think about this and how depressing it sounds/is, I realize there are other things I can associate with this time/town.
I will always look back on these past 4 years as some of the hardest and most hurtful I have gone through, not only personally but spiritually. These past 4 years have been years of great growth (I hope!) and molding and faith-strengthening. It is during these past 4 years that I have learned better how to pray, to pray on my knees, to let it all out, to say to the Lord, “I don’t understand, but you’re still God, and so I’m going to try very hard to trust.” I will look back on this time as a time when my husband and I had no one other than each other and the Lord to lean on and so have been able to develop a closer bond and trust in each other then might not otherwise have happened. I can look back on this time as a time of having my eyes opened to the ways of the Church and how it’s not as prestine and perfect as we (I) thought it was. And, more than anything, I will look back on this time knowing, with out doubt, that my God, my Father in heaven, loves me and cares for me and is faithful to me no matter what.
I’m not sorry to see this time come to an end in a few days. I’m not even all that scared about not having any idea what we’ll find in our new home. I won’t miss this place. My prayer is that I take with me the lessons I’ve learned and apply them to my future.