I’m not talking about food today. I’m talking about spiritual food. Have you ever been spiritually hungry? Spiritually thirsty? Feeling like you’re wandering around a desert wondering when you’ll get your next “meal,” or “drink?” This is how I’ve been feeling for the last few years. David and I were doing most of the teaching at the church we were ministering and unless we went to a conference put on by our denomination we were not being fed in a church setting. I have to admit that during that time I was terrible at having my own personal quiet time with the Lord. I know this didn’t help the situation but it was my reality. David and I would pray together pretty regularly, but I don’t know how else to explain that time other than feeling as though I was in a wasteland.
When we moved to a new city in May David and I were praying that the Lord would guide us to a good church–a church where we might be fed and nourished and get some healing. We have found that church! I don’t know how long we’ll be at this church but as long we we’re here I am drinking it all in. I told David that I feel like the Lord is saying, “Sit down and EAT!” I don’t feel pressured to sign up for every need the church needs filled, I don’t feel pressure to have lessons prepared and I DON’T miss the stress of feeling like everyone is picking me apart, or my husband, or us in general. Now, this is not to say that I don’t want to serve in a church, or I don’t ever want to lead a Bible study, or anything like that. What I’m saying is I am not able to do those things right now because I’m hungry. I’m in need of spiritual nourishment and in need of wounds healing and in need of some time out of the wasteland.
And you know what’s so wonderful? The Lord knew all of this. He knew I needed this and so he led us to this church. He led us to a great small group of people in similar walks of life, and he led us to a great Sunday school class. I am so enjoying coming to church and worshipping with other believers and not having to worry about what people are thinking.
I’m drinking deeply the love of God, I’m filling up on the goodness he is pouring out for me and I’m relishing being out of the wasteland. Does this mean I no longer want to be a pastor’s wife? Of course not! I am called to be David’s wife and if he feels called to being a pastor then I am perfectly fine with that. In fact, I’m getting to the point where I can’t wait to be in that role again. The healing is happening and the healing is working. I will sit and eat as long as the Lord has us here, and I will fill up on his goodness and allow myself to be healed.
The Lord is good to us all the time and knows exactly what we need when we need it. I’m praising the Lord that he heard the cry of my heart and has provided just the right “food” I need right now at this time in my life.