I am many things: a daughter, a sister, an aunt, cousin, mom, friend, niece, granddaughter and a wife. My blog is called, “Ponderings from a Pastor’s Wife,” and over the last year and 1/2 I’ve thought about changing the name because my husband hasn’t been working as a pastor. I figured people would read my blog expecting to hear from a pastor’s wife and well, that’s just not been happening. However, I have not changed the name of my blog. A) because I don’t know how to come up with a new address/name, and B) I just don’t want to. See, I believe very strongly that one day, hopefully soon, my husband will be preaching again, and I can again call myself a pastor’s wife. Truth be told? I’ve never stopped thinking of myself as such.
It’s no lie or hidden thing that at our previous place of ministry we had rough times. We were faced with a lot of difficult things, people, situations, etc. I found I was building a very high, deep and strong wall around myself so as not to continue getting hurt. I hated the way people treated me and my husband, and I was not looking forward to bringing a child into that church. Our time ended at this church gradually and yet also very abruptly and we moved on. It’s been a 1 1/2 years and we’re still waiting to see where God will send us next. This time of limbo has not been fun. It’s been filled with a lot of hurt, bitterness and anger. It’s been filled with uncertainty, fear and misunderstanding.
But, God has carried us through. Why has God carried us through? Because he loves us. He doesn’t like to see his children unhappy or in pain. He has been with us every step of the way and has held us and helped us and blessed us in ways we could never have imagined. God has been our constant during such a time of chaos and uncertainty. Without him we would be a lot worse off. I’m thankful especially for the last 3 months. We have been physically removed from the place where we found so much hurt. It’s been good for us to be out of that environment and community. I always said we would not find full healing until we had left the place where it happened. We have found a wonderful church to attend and have been drinking in the Spirit and allowing Him to minister to us. We have found healing and I can say with no reservation, I am no longer angry or bitter towards those who hurt us so badly. I am no longer angry or bitter towards God for allowing us to experience the last year and 1/2. Life is too short, folks to remain angry and bitter!
Will we be in this state of limbo forever? No! In fact, David has 2 interviews this week at 2 churches, one of which will be his 3rd mtg with the church. God is in control, he knows our needs and wants, and he knows what’s best for us. He has not left us yet so I imagine (and know!) he never will. Hopefully, I can begin writing this blog again from the perspective of an active pastor’s wife! 🙂 Until then, you’ll just have to put up with whatever craziness I think up! 🙂