Where to start? There’s so much to say. It’s been a journey, for sure, and not a good one. Let’s see, the beginning…
Twelve years ago I was a junior in college. I noticed I was sleeping a lot but always tired. I also noticed I was starting to gain weight and have no energy. I would be in bed by 9 pm, get up as late as possible to still make my classes, and take naps whenever I could. But, nothing helped. I was always tired. By my senior year it was much worse and my joints and muscles hurt so bad I often struggled to get out of a chair. I felt like I was 80 years old! Thus began over a decade of blood tests, sleep studies, x-rays and other tests. Nothing ever really being found, and all the while I felt terrible and thought I was going crazy.
I was told I had fibromyalsia and was told to walk and took an antidepressant as this was supposed to help. I was told I wasn’t relaxing enough before bed so was told to take hot baths, listen to soothing music, take a sleeping pill. None of this worked. It only served to make me more frustrated and crazy, and I was still tired.
Over the years I came to a point of great frustration over and over and would go to a doctor (allergist, regular doctor, gyn), give my symptoms (or as many as they would take the time to listen to), only to be to have blood work done–which never really showed anything–and then would be told I just needed to get more rest.
I have been told to “just lose weight.” If I lose weight I’ll feel so much better. Well, how is one supposed to lose weight by exercising when one can’t hardly get out of bed in the morning? I can’t tell you how many times I have broken down in tears in the car on my way home from a doctor’s appointment. Surely, I’m not crazy! Surely, there has to be something wrong! Surely, I’m not making this up and it’s all in my head! As I look back on the past 12 years a lot of what I see is “fatigue” and “frustration.” Sure, there have been MANY wonderful and happy times during those 12 years. Absolutely my life has not been one horrible thing. But, even the most wonderful moments of my life the past 12 years have been shrouded with fatigue, sometimes overwhelming fatigue.
When I was pregnant with Benjamin, David and I did a lot of talking about my health. Something had to give. I couldn’t keep living like this, we, as a family, couldn’t have me being this way. My standard answer to “how are you?” is always “tired. How are you?” We decided that after Benjamin was born we would, together, not stop until we found a doctor who was willing to listen and not rest until I was resting. After Benjamin was born I got to thinking about all the tests I’ve had done and realized my hormone levels have never been checked. I started doing some research and realized that hormone imbalance could very well be the culprit. I printed out what I needed to take to the doctor, made an appointment and knew it wouldn’t be an easy appointment. David went with me for support and last week on Monday I demanded (yes, demanded) that my doctor do blood work to check my hormone levels. She did so, but I truly believe only to humor me, and I’m still waiting to hear the results.
We had already decided that we would probably be seeking the help of a holistic doctor, regardless of what my MD said. I was so upset and disgusted at my MD’s seemingly lack of concern, certain inability to listen to me (which seems to be a reigning theme) that I started praying for God to lead me to just the right holistic doctor. Monday afternoon I went for a walk with my friend, N, shared my struggles and frustrations and wondered aloud where I might find a holistic doctor to go to? Wouldn’t you know that she herself has just started going to one????
And, that my friends, is what has started me on a new journey. A journey to health. A journey to better living. A journey, that I hope ends with me not being exhausted all the time and in much better health. I will be writing several posts to give you plenty of information as to what holistic medicine is, how my first appointment went, what we found, etc. And, I will of course be blogging about this journey as it goes on. Right now, I would appreciate your prayers. I have already had to alter my diet a lot and it’s hard. But, I’m keeping my eye on the goal and keeping the Lord by my side and I know this is a good thing. I look forward to sharing this journey with you!