Depression. It’s been a long time since I’ve written about it. It’s something I have struggled with a lot in the past, and I thought was getting a pretty good handle on. However, what I’m learning is, depression can rear it’s ugly head at any time. It doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be the same reason every time, and it’s certainly not convenient. It’s there, and most of the time I can push it away and it doesn’t bother me. Now is not that time.
I’m not sure what has sparked this bout of depression right now, but it’s hit me full force. I didn’t realize it at first, but the longer the days go the more I’m realizing I’m going through a time of depression. Again, not sure what triggered it this time, but it’s here. I know some might say, “just snap out of it!” “think happy thoughts!” “count your blessings!” And, I would say to those people, “you’ve never dealt with true depression.” It’s not something you can always control, it’s not something you can just snap out of, and it’s not something a happy thought will take away. It’s there and it’s not fun.
So, what have I been doing? I mean, as a Christian I must have something in my arsenal to fight this depression. And, I do. I have the Lord. There are days I cling to him, and think if I could just hold on to the hem of his robe I’ll be fine. Other days, I have the strength to hug a leg, his waist, his neck. But, regardless of where I’m able to hold on to my Savior, I know he has me. I know he’s not letting go, and I know I can depend on him. I’ve said it before, Scripture is full of people who dealt with depression in one form or another. It’s obviously something humans deal with. It’s an emotion, a mental state, that is common. No, it’s not fun and it’s not welcome, but as a Christian I have the Hope that I don’t have to stay in depression. I may not “snap out of it” for a long while, but I can know that Jesus holds me and is with me every step of the way.