I’m Alive!

Has it really been over a month since I last posted? Why, yes, yes it has! I apologize!!! For any of you who are diligently still checking in every day (mom?) I apologize that I’ve had nothing new to offer as of late! Wow. It’s been a rough month. When I last wrote I was all chipper and hopeful that I would have lots of joy in this journey of the 1st trimester. Well, let’s be honest, I find it hard to find joy in puking, daily, often multiple times a day. And so, I didn’t want to spread my non-joy, and really didn’t have the energy, to write. However, it’s time to do some writing again because life marches on, and the Hardin’s are still alive and surviving (let’s face it, when Mom is flat on the couch sometimes just surviving is an accomplishment!).

I will be 12 weeks along tomorrow. I’m so thankful this trimester is just about done. It’s been hard. My attitude has stunk, I’ve struggled finding joy in ANYTHING, I’ve lost a ton of weight (again), my kids and husband have suffered through my bad moods and crabbiness. I’ve hardly been able to eat, and I’m drinking orange juice like there’s a world-wide shortage! However, God is still good. God is still with me, with us as a family, and we’re making it. We’ve had lots of meals brought, my grandma has been a huge help coming to help with the kids and clean my house, a good friend of mine has watched the kids. David has had to be both mom and dad again while still keeping up with everything at church. It’s not been easy, it’s definitely not been fun, but through it all God is good and does not change. This pregnancy has been my worse so far. My sickness has been horrendous. I had to go to the ER for a day of fluids. My midwife is quite worried about my hydration and nutrition. But! The baby is fine and healthy and a couple weeks ago God blessed us with the opportunity to hear his/her heartbeat!!! He knew I needed that. I missed a month of going to church and am so thankful for a church family who is more concerned about my health then my attendance. The love, concern and care I get from these people is quite overwhelming.

How am I feeling now? Well, each day I improve slightly. For some women they wake up one day and it’s as though it was all a bad dream. For me, it’s a very slow, gradual process. I’m eating as much as I can, drinking as much orange juice and Sierra Mist as we can afford and throwing up less–very thankful for this!

As I enter the 2nd trimester (next week? I think that starts at week 13, I can never remember…) I pray that I don’t allow myself to get so buried in how I do/don’t feel but see what’s going on as the miracle it is. God is good, all the time. He never fails and he is, thankfully, always merciful.

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