No Pleasing Folks

Have you ever noticed there’s no pleasing some people? And, really, it seems no matter what you do there is always someone waiting to share his/her opinion. I’ve been thinking about this a lot in regards to children. I have friends who can’t have children, friends who have had many miscarriages, only 1-2 kids or several. It’s very strange to me the comments all of these women get.

I have a friend who is pregnant with baby #2. Now, this is not her 2nd pregnancy, she has had several miscarriages which has brought a lot of pain and heartache to her and her husband. They have an adorable little girl, and I can’t wait to hear what this precious one will be. It has been nerve-wracking for her, being pregnant. You can certainly understand. But, the doctors feel confident she is beyond the danger point enough to go to a regular OB/GYN now. I’m so happy for her and have been praying so much for her. I can’t wait to see this little one and hold him/her. I celebrate with her and her husband!

I have another friend who has not been able to conceive, and when she did she miscarried. She and her husband are trying other ways to conceive, and it’s been a very hard road for them. My sister, though she just gave birth to baby #4, has, herself, had several miscarriages. I have several other friends who have experienced the same thing, and maybe you have too. These poor women want children, have the hope of having one and then lose that baby. It’s heart-wrenching and yet, it doesn’t seem to keep people from commenting.

It took David and I a while to get pregnant with Cora. It seemed that people felt since we didn’t have a baby 9 months after marriage there was something wrong. It got so frustrating. I wanted to scream at people and tell them to mind their own business! Why did they care when we had kids, or even IF we had kids? We had a man tell us it didn’t take 2 1/2 years to produce a child! We were horrified.

I also know and have friends on the opposite end of the spectrum. Getting pregnant and having children is not a challenge. They’re able to have kids without any issue, and have several. We just learned the other night that one of our friends is expecting baby #5. We are so happy for them! But, it’s amazing the ridicule and comments folks are giving them. I bet these same people would be questioning them if they had NO children!

We have been met with raised eyebrows when we announced baby #3 coming. It’s just so strange to me, and I do not get why people think they are allowed or given permission to comment on your family size. God has a different plan for all of us. If you are one of those people who just can’t help yourself and feel the need to comment one way or another on the number, or lack of, children a couple has, please do everyone a favor and just don’t say anything. You may think your words are innocent and maybe even caring. However, I would like to challenge you that they are not. You have no idea the struggles people are going through, you don’t know what decisions this couple has made regarding children, and you certainly don’t know the path God has for them. And, quite frankly, it’s none of your business. Keep your thoughts and comments to yourself.

I know I sound harsh and my words are strong, but I have seen so many of my friends wounded and hurt by the “innocent” words of others. Stop being a nosey person, stop assuming you know what’s going on with a couple and just love and accept them. Whether a couple has 20 children, no children, or a number in between it’s their business and not yours. Rejoice with them when they announce the coming of another and give a hug if they share the pain of infertility or miscarriage. You don’t have to have the right words. Often the best thing to do is to say nothing. You know the old adage…”if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”

There, I’m done. I’ll step off my soapbox…for now…


2 thoughts on “No Pleasing Folks

  1. i have a beautiful 3 yr old daughter and i am blessed but i recently had to miscarriages 6months apart and both time i was between 5 and 10 wks i am pregnant know just found out and i am so scared to think i will be going through this a third time i hate to sound like im preaching but im giving it over to god and letting him decide if its meant to be or not as bad as it sounds i think that we probably werent ready for the 2nd baby then hopefully everything goes good i am trying not to be excited but i think its just natural that you get excited when you know you are able to produce life… I hope all of you find out what is goin on and i hope that you are blessed with the children you are hoping for!

  2. I don’t know about the environmental part, but I have several friends who had one baby, followed by a series of miscarriages. They all finally were told to take one asprin a day during their pregnancy (something to do with the blood, I think), and all carried healthy babies to term. Anyway, you might want to ask your doctor about this, as it took a few of my friends several miscarriages before they tried this. Good luck to you!

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