UPDATE: This is what my post was when I wrote it yesterday. However, things have changed! Very briefly: REBEKAH LYNN was born on June 18, 2013 at 4:06 pm! We made it to the hospital just 2 hours before she was born. She weighed 9 lbs., 4 oz and was 21 in. long! I’ll write more later as far as how it all went down, but I wanted to post this for now!
Yesterday I was 39 weeks. Here’s the newest baby bump photo! We’re still waiting…
I was having a particularly hard day the other day. Very emotional, very snappy and yelling at everyone in the family. My husband told me to calm down, and I didn’t appreciate that, even though I knew he was right. I took some time to be by myself and started praying and listening to music. I then opened my Bible and started ready through passages which always help me when I’m discouraged, scared, upset, etc. My most favorite is Psalm 139. It’s always been a huge encouragement to me. I know it well and every time I read it I think, “surely this time I won’t find anything new to help encourage me.” However, I’m always wrong and once again, the Lord spoke to me through his word. Because I was dealing with some fears of the labor/delivery process of baby girl and just other things that go along with that the following verses really spoke to me. I wanted to share them with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my
mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and
wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of
the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of
them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139: 13-16 ESV
God is so involved in our lives. I love the use of words of “intricately woven,” “made in secret,” the Lord knew all my days even before I was created and living them. He knows all the same of this unborn babe growing inside of me. I may have some illogical fears of her living through birth and such (illogical because there’s been nothing to indicate there will be issues), but if there are issues, God knows, and he’s still God. He is so involved in our lives that he forms us intricately in our mother’s womb. He knows our thoughts, he knows the words we’re going to say before we say them. This is the God I love and choose to follow. And, most importantly choose to trust.
Every pregnancy I reach a point where I’m tired, exhausted, just plain weary. And I think, “how on earth will I have the energy to finish this part? How will I make it through labor and pushing?” It gets tiresome carrying around your unborn babe. If you say you love every moment of pregnancy I say “bah!” to you because I think every woman reaches a point where they just want to hold their baby in their arms and look into his/her face! Everyone asks how I’m doing and well, honestly, I’m tired. I’m exhausted and I’m weary. I’m so ready to hold this baby, look into her eyes, rock her, nurse her (Lord willing!!) and introduce her to her family! I’m not sleeping well so that just makes the days harder. I’m sorry to sound complain-y. It’s just the truth, and I’m not one who can skirt around the truth. I’m open and real. It’s how I roll. God tells us to come to him when we’re heavy laden and weary. I’m trying! However, truth be told, I’ll be glad when this part of the process is done, and I get to see my babe.
My MIL asked me how Baby Girl and I were doing and I said, “fine, still attached!” Yep, that’s how it is! We’re in the Great Waiting Game phase! Since this is time #3 going through this I am not jumping at every little twinge or contraction. However, there have been a few nights when we thought it was “time.” Obviously, not so…I have found myself praying a lot, preparing my heart and mind for the task ahead. Anyone who’s gone through birth knows it is indeed a task. It’s work, it’s hard and well, it’s labor (there is a reason it’s called “labor”).
We have everything ready now. I honestly can’t think of anything more we have to do (ok, we need to bring the infant car seat up from the basement). I’ve bought our snacks (which David has already gotten into his “birth cookies and birth Coke”–his words, not mine) for the hospital, have the pantry stocked with extras so my mom doesn’t have to worry about what to feed the kids, and I’m trying to keep up with things like laundry–probably for my sanity rather than out of necessity! I have written out Bible verses for the birthing process. My friend, Nan, is acting as a doula for us and so she is going to be using these verses as encouragement and strength for during the laboring process.
I’ve had my time of irrational fears attacking me and have been praying for the Lord’s peace. This will be the 1st time I do labor without an epidural–Cora’s birth it became necessary, thanks to petocin, and with Ben I freaked out and didn’t try very hard. This time, I have been praying all pregnancy that the Lord would give me strength to do it without the pain meds. You don’t have to agree with me, it’s my choice. In my research and reading, and what I have truly wanted with each delivery, I feel being as natural as possible is the way I need to do this. I’ve literally been praying I’ll forget epidurals even exist. And, we wait! Joy comes in the waiting, right? Hopefully, this week I’ll have the happy news of Baby Girl coming, but if not, well, we’ll just keep waiting!
As I get ready for each of my unborn babes to be born I notice I think about the millions of women who have gone before me and wonder how they prepared for their babies? I know there was sewing of clothes and probably for some making a cradle to lay the baby in, but I can be certain there were no baby showers, bouncy seats, swings, hanging of dangerous curtains, gathering of diapers, etc., etc., etc. I have to think that back in the day (anything before the 1900s) it was a whole lot simpler to prepare for the baby. I doubt there was pressure to have the newest gadget, or if your baby didn’t have “x” amount of whatever you were failing as a parent. It was so much simpler, I do believe. You were pregnant, had the baby and hoped you didn’t die in the process!
Today we’re bombarded with things we “must have” (can you say “wipe warmers?” Sorry, this is one that I find absolutely ridiculous!!!! I have never warmed up my kids’ bottles (I just use room temp water) even! I know, I must be a horrible mom.). David and I have always striven to live simply. And, the more children we have it seems the more simple we want things to be. I got rid of the baby bath when Ben was born–the kitchen sink is there for a reason, after all! I have whittled down the amount of clothes we have (Cora was grand baby number 1 on 1 side of the family and got a LOT of clothes!), and I feel like we are down to just the necessities. I understand that said necessities are different in each house, but for our house I feel we’re down to just the basics. When we had Cora I packed a bunch of stuff for her for being in the hospital. By the 3rd baby I see that we just need a blanket and outfit for coming home–and Ben didn’t even need the blanket as it was end of June when he was born! We’ll see if we need it this time…
I feel like with each child I have also been more certain of how to organize things, put stuff in more convenient spots, etc. There is certainly something to be said for experience! I was telling my sister the other day just how much you realize you don’t need certain things, but others are of great importance! Anyway, this house is all a-buzz getting ready. I do believe we are. I have all the clothes, onesies, blankets, diapers, wipes and diaper cream in their spots. The crib is made and waiting for Baby Girl to be in it, and David pulled the suitcase up the other day to pack for the hospital. Yep, we’re ready! We’re just waiting now, and I’m trying hard to be content in the waiting. God knows when she needs to be born, and I’m doing my best to rest in that.
Here’s how I see my belly (and lack of feet) these days!
Today I’m 37 weeks! I’m full term, I can have this baby anytime she wants to come! I’ve been having a ton of contractions for over a week now. A lot of which are painful and wrapping all around me, some causing me to stop walking, or talking. At my appointment on Friday we discovered I’m 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so they’ve been doing something, that’s for sure!!! We toured the birth center we’re going to be using, and it’s so nice! Because it’s a new thing for this particular hospital the birthing center is only one room, but it’s beautiful! It’ll be the nicest room I’ve given birth.
But, that’s not what I really wanted to talk about today. I want to talk about the true hero in all of this. That is, David, my husband. I have come to realize over my last 3 pregnancies that the true hero in it all is the husband. Everyone jokes around that the man’s part in the whole pregnancy thing is easy and short. That may be true for the actual getting pregnant and sure the man isn’t pregnant, but I have come to realize that his part is not done just because a woman is pregnant. I don’t know about your husband, but mine (and the husbands of my friends and family members) doesn’t stop his duties just because his wife is pregnant. David has to shoulder a lot. Because I get so sick during the early part of the pregnancy he has to take on the duties of housewife and mom, too. He has to cook, grocery shop, clean, take care of the kids more than usual. And, never mind all of his own duties he has. He has to put up with a hormonal, weeping wife who can go from happy to angry to sad in a matter of mere seconds! He has to deal with her ever-changing body and her self-esteem as she grows larger and larger and feels ugly. He has to put up with her temperature changes–currently I’m ROASTING–and the added pillows in the bed. And, I don’t know about you, but MY husband has a lot of sleepless nights because when I’m pregnant I snore horribly. Yep, it’s a time of stress for both the pregnant woman AND her husband.
And, this doesn’t even include the labor and delivery time! I have NEVER once placed blame on my husband during labor/delivery. I mean, seriously, why would you look at the man you love and tell him it’s all his fault? I have never understood that and refuse to say that, or anything else like it to my husband. He is there for me during the labor, holding my hand, cheering me on, encouraging me, giving me strength when I feel like I can’t continue. He prays for me when I’m in excruciating pain. Yes, I do believe he feels helpless, and he has admitted to me that he hates seeing me in that pain. But, he remains by my side and helps me through it. And, at the end he is rewarded with getting to be the first to see his new daughter or son enter the world–yes, he gets to see our bundle before I do! I love watching my husband laugh with pure JOY as he sees his new daughter/son for the first time. I love seeing the glee and excitement on his face, and we look at each other, and I do believe we both think “it was all worth it.”
I love my husband so much. Pregnancy is never easy in our home. It’s a very stressful time in our family and our marriage. There are so many emotions (mine) that get unleashed, and I end up saying “sorry” more during pregnancy than any other time, I do believe. But, in the end we know it’s a season we’ve just weathered, and we’ve lived through, and in the end God has blessed us with another child. To me, the mom is not the hero in all of this. The baby is not the hero, nor are the midwives, doctors or nurses. It’s the husband. The man who is there with his wife through it all, through sickness and in health, for better or worse. I love my hero so very much and am so thankful for him. There is no one I want to do this journey with more than David.
The countdown continues–I’m 36 weeks today! I’ll be considered full term next Tuesday. Where has this pregnancy gone? I’m NOT complaining, please don’t misunderstand, but it is just going so fast. Maybe because I have 2 other kids and that fills up the days? In any case, here we are, 36 weeks, and this baby is safe to come in 1-3 weeks, or so.
The end of last week and over the weekend (Sunday being the worse) I had quite a lot of contractions. They were hard, frequent, wrapping around me, etc. I drank and drank and drank water and tried to lay low. Finally, on Sunday, I decided enough was enough and called the midwife…who told me to keep drinking and lay down the rest of the day. I did, for the most part (the laying down bit wasn’t all that possible) and got some good rest. I’ve not had any other major contractions, or at least not at all frequently or regularly, for that I’m thankful! I know the baby would survive just fine outside the womb at this point, but I also know the longer she’s inside the better for her lungs.
I subscribe (I guess I subscribe, I don’t pay anything) to babycenter.com , and I get weekly updates on the progress of the baby. Today says she’ll start gaining 1 oz every day now and is probably around 6 lbs. and 18 1/2 in long. Phew. I don’t know for sure what she weighs, but I’m feeling LARGE, BIG, GINORMOUS, and any other word that means just plain HUGE. It’s hard to believe I’m going to get bigger still before she comes out!
We just about have the nursery done. David’s accident with the curtain rod slowed the process up a bit, but we’ve had friends and my dad help with various things so that’s been helpful! I just need to get the clothes up from the basement, washed and put away. I’ll wait a week or 2 more before getting the crib made (so it doesn’t get dusty). I’m trying to keep Cora as involved as possible, which totally pleases her little heart! She’s so precious. Almost daily she says, “I’ll get to help you change the baby’s diaper and get her dressed!” Yes, yes, we’ll at least try!
I have a few more things on my list I need to buy, use my Mother’s Day gift of a mani-pedi, and I’m getting my hair cut this afternoon! Things are getting done, and I’m feeling like I can relax a little now…C’mon Baby! We’re ready for ya!
How can it be that I’m 35 weeks along in this pregnancy today??? I’m telling you, this pregnancy has gone so much faster than my other ones. Not sure why, it just has! I feel like we still have so much to get done, and yet we have gotten a lot done already! The nursery is pretty much put together. I need to bring up all the clothes from the basement, wash and put them away. I have some cleaning stuff I’d like to get done before she arrives, but in all reality, I do believe we’re pretty much ready!
I’m feeling pretty good. My hips aren’t too bad, thanks to regular chiropractic adjustments. I don’t have a great appetite right now, so I’m trying hard to eat as much as possible and make sure it’s healthy. I’ve gained a total of about 7 lbs this pregnancy. It’s weird, but there you have it! The baby is growing like she should, and my belly continues to grow, just not anything else, which, by the way, I’m totally OK with! We are excited and anxious to have this baby and start figuring out how to be a family of 5! Cora is REALLY excited and daily hugs and kisses the baby. When asked where is the baby, Ben will whack my belly very enthusiastically! I find myself being quite calm this time around. I do believe there are many reasons for it, and not just one. I’m thankful to not be all anxious and am looking forward to just simply holding this baby.
This is me at 34 weeks
Have you ever noticed there’s no pleasing some people? And, really, it seems no matter what you do there is always someone waiting to share his/her opinion. I’ve been thinking about this a lot in regards to children. I have friends who can’t have children, friends who have had many miscarriages, only 1-2 kids or several. It’s very strange to me the comments all of these women get.
I have a friend who is pregnant with baby #2. Now, this is not her 2nd pregnancy, she has had several miscarriages which has brought a lot of pain and heartache to her and her husband. They have an adorable little girl, and I can’t wait to hear what this precious one will be. It has been nerve-wracking for her, being pregnant. You can certainly understand. But, the doctors feel confident she is beyond the danger point enough to go to a regular OB/GYN now. I’m so happy for her and have been praying so much for her. I can’t wait to see this little one and hold him/her. I celebrate with her and her husband!
I have another friend who has not been able to conceive, and when she did she miscarried. She and her husband are trying other ways to conceive, and it’s been a very hard road for them. My sister, though she just gave birth to baby #4, has, herself, had several miscarriages. I have several other friends who have experienced the same thing, and maybe you have too. These poor women want children, have the hope of having one and then lose that baby. It’s heart-wrenching and yet, it doesn’t seem to keep people from commenting.
It took David and I a while to get pregnant with Cora. It seemed that people felt since we didn’t have a baby 9 months after marriage there was something wrong. It got so frustrating. I wanted to scream at people and tell them to mind their own business! Why did they care when we had kids, or even IF we had kids? We had a man tell us it didn’t take 2 1/2 years to produce a child! We were horrified.
I also know and have friends on the opposite end of the spectrum. Getting pregnant and having children is not a challenge. They’re able to have kids without any issue, and have several. We just learned the other night that one of our friends is expecting baby #5. We are so happy for them! But, it’s amazing the ridicule and comments folks are giving them. I bet these same people would be questioning them if they had NO children!
We have been met with raised eyebrows when we announced baby #3 coming. It’s just so strange to me, and I do not get why people think they are allowed or given permission to comment on your family size. God has a different plan for all of us. If you are one of those people who just can’t help yourself and feel the need to comment one way or another on the number, or lack of, children a couple has, please do everyone a favor and just don’t say anything. You may think your words are innocent and maybe even caring. However, I would like to challenge you that they are not. You have no idea the struggles people are going through, you don’t know what decisions this couple has made regarding children, and you certainly don’t know the path God has for them. And, quite frankly, it’s none of your business. Keep your thoughts and comments to yourself.
I know I sound harsh and my words are strong, but I have seen so many of my friends wounded and hurt by the “innocent” words of others. Stop being a nosey person, stop assuming you know what’s going on with a couple and just love and accept them. Whether a couple has 20 children, no children, or a number in between it’s their business and not yours. Rejoice with them when they announce the coming of another and give a hug if they share the pain of infertility or miscarriage. You don’t have to have the right words. Often the best thing to do is to say nothing. You know the old adage…”if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”
There, I’m done. I’ll step off my soapbox…for now…
Ponderings from a Pastor's Wife 